DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Following the disclosure of a child's sexual abuse, you are responsible for decisions regarding your child's safety and protection. Your support of your child will minimize the long-term consequences of abuse. Decisions will need to be made during the post-disclosure process. Many problems will arise. These problems may relate to you, your child, other family members, or external agencies. Resolving problems in a thoughtful manner will help you feel more in control of the situation, and less a victim. Some helpful problem-solving strategies are included on this article.

Two things to hold in your mind as you think about problem solving strategies:

« The attitude you bring to the task of resolving a problem will affect the quality of your decisions. The one thing you can control is your attitude. If it is negative, the likelihood of a negative solution is high.

«  If you have worked at solving this problem before, and you use the same thought process, you will come to the same conclusion, and you will have to solve it again. Solution: Think outside the box. Think creatively.

 Patricia Wiklund outlines 4 stages of problem solving in her book Sleeping with a Stranger (1995).

 

How you define, interpret, view, and assign responsibility for a problem affects how you will solve it. What you believe and what you know about the problem will lead you to conclusions and solutions that either work or do not work. Wiklund (1995) presents a rationale and process to follow in solving a problem. She suggests that you: 

 

·         Name the problem. What is it?  You have to define a problem before finding a solution. For example, if your partner is the perpetrator, and you see his problem as not being sexually satisfied, you will solve the problem in a different way. If you name the problem as his being sexually abused as a child, you will solve the problem in a different way. How you define a problem leads you to the solution. If your definition is not accurate, your solution will not work.

·         Name the results. What do you want to see at the end of this process? Pay attention to the difference between short-term and long-term results. Something that works in the short-term is not necessarily a long-term solution. This is important because decisions with long-term results are usually harder and require more change. These are the ones you may resist because they are costly. Know what you want. Then determine whether that is possible. Then work on a solution.

Ways to prevent domestic violence:

 

    ·           Education

Educational training can help you learn how to stop domestic violence, teach you about the violation of women’s rights and violations of men’s rights.  It will also let you figure out how to help an abused woman or man, among others.

·         Obtain consent

                 To prevent domestic violence, both partners must obtain each other’s consent before                                  taking      certain actions, e.g., having sex.

•        Professional help

                There are so many professionals out there with knowledge on how to help an abused person.                 If you are a person experiencing any form of violence at home or in your workplace, then you                 may consider relevant professionals for health, legal, psychological, or any other form of                         advice.

•     Avoid bad company

                Sociologists will often tell you that peer pressure is a strong influence on both young people                    and adults. If your peers include those who boast about their domestic violence exploits, then                 the chances are that you’ll soon adopt such habits.

 

• Observe the law

            Even if you are the head of your partnership or family, that does not necessarily be a license for             domestic abuse or violence, you need to understand that many countries have legal measures for             domestic violence prevention.

•  Tolerance

            Serious Sad Woman Thinking Over A Problem, Man Sitting Aside. A perfect human being does             not exist. To keep a relationship going, both parties must exhibit maturity and learn to tolerate                each other’s imperfections. Tolerance can be one of the best domestic violence prevention                    strategies. When there is tolerance, violence rarely results in a home. Tolerance should also                    extend to children, domestic servants, and other members of the household.

 

•  Respect religious teachings

          All major religions extol virtues such as love, peace, kindness, faithfulness, and others.                         Adhering to these religious exhortations will go a long way to stop domestic violence in your                 relationship. Almost all religions of the world explain who a victim of abuse can be and how to             prevent it which clearly helps in domestic violence prevention. Christianity teaches that if you                 spare the rod, you spoil the child, but this should not be interpreted as an explicit incitement of             domestic violence against children. Rather than being brutalized, as is sometimes the case,                     children who err should be punished rationally and not disproportionately.

 

 

•  Promote gender equality

         The World Health Organization (WHO) has noted that “gender inequalities increase the risk of             violence of men against women and inhibit the ability of those affected to seek protection.”                     However, there are cultures in the world where women have the upper hand and men are forced to          submit. All domestic violence strategies must recognize that men are also prone to abuse. It is                 very common to associate domestic violence with men, but the US-based National Coalition                 Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) estimates that 1 in 4 men have been subjected to some f               form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This lack of commensurate attention to the plight         of male domestic abuse victims has led to the demand for a day for the elimination of violence                 against men. The organization also observes that violence by intimate partners is the most                     common form of violence against.

 

References

Dean AL, Malik MM, W, Stringer, SA: Effects of parental maltreatment on children's conceptions of interpersonal relationships.Developmental Psychology 22:618–626, 1986.